this isn't regular coke man. from the first pop of the can, i feel the scream of the working man who hammered this unnatural cylindrical shape out of really hard metal, one by one. i can feel the carbonation exploited out of a fart-monkey whose whole existence is farting into these cans until his butthole bleeds just to satisfy the world with its taste. just to tickle the upper lip of people everywhere. then there's the can painter. perfection at all costs. his fingers are little bone nubs because he's allergic to the fart monkey but he can't say anything about it because he hears the pepsi people use a fart virus and everyone's really allergic to those.
